Because there is NOTHING parents like better than parenting advice from NON parents! 🙂 Actually, I’m “borrowing” this advice… but I DO know that I had MANY years of experience being a kid and many more after that reflecting on “and healing from” the experience of being a kid… So, I am weighing in on that angle.
Kari Becken joins me to weight in and share her perspectives on this topic in our maiden voyage of “Ren Rant”.
The advice…
To have a person or few people that you and your kid trust to be “safe” people to talk to. The kid knows that they can go to that person with questions, concerns about life stuff, that maybe they don’t feel comfortable coming to Mom or Dad about… that is safe and not going to nark them out to their parents.
I forgot to mention this in the intro… if you are curious how this fits into the wellness piece of the podcast? This surely is about support, mental health, stress, emotional and physical safety… probably dependant on the kid and what role that safe person might have at any given time. It’s about modeling, teaching kids by example and helping kids learn it is OK to ask for help, learn to navigate and be adults in this crazy world… and SO much more!
We are doing something fun and different!
The idea… Toss out a topic, news article or something of interest and share thoughts and hopefully have some thought provoking discussion.
What’s a Ren Rant? Well, we will all find out together wont we! 🙂
Parenting advice borrowed from…
Deb Houser
President of advocates for youth
“Advocates for Youth works alongside thousands of young people here in the U.S. and around the globe as they fight for sexual health, rights and justice.”
https://advocatesforyouth.org/about/our-team/debra-hauser/
KARI BECKEN
Find her episode of the podcast…
https://wellnessrenpodcast.com/podcast/episode-96-kari-becken-from-faith-based-to-queer-atheist-supporting-others-in-core-energy-shifts/
She can also be found on Facebook @KariBeckenCoaching.com
On the web at:
https://karibecken.com
First of all love your stories from your youth, you the good kid. Ok well I guess maybe you were because then i can say, being the in our family means I was a good kid too, it’s in our blood.
Second your whole topic. Yes i agree it would be a great thing to have this type of person in my child’s life but ultimately i want them to know they can trust in me for all their troubles or concerns. So i guess you could label me as that parent that needs/ wants to know everything about my child, however i know i never will just as my parents don’t. It is a part of being a part you may want to know all about your children but you shouldn’t.
I know there are people in our lives my boys can trust but also know they can and will ask God for guidance when needed.
Cousin Julie
Hey Julie!
Thanks for listening and your thoughtful comment! 🙂
Sorry for the delay… I was out of town and out of the loop a bit!
I think it is a reasonable wish to want your kids to know they can trust you with all their troubles and concerns. I TOTALLY think that is the environment and relationship every parent should shoot for! That is what I would want for my kids. I love that you are working to foster that in yours. And maybe it is reasonable to, sort of, want to know everything about your kid too… Kinda human in that we WANT to know to be the support we signed up for having kids.
LOL! And by WE I guess I mean YOU and all people signing up for the huge job of raising beings to be intelligent, smart adults… since I have not taken on that “task”.
I think it is reasonable…. and your words make it clear that you get this from the parent stand point and from being a kid… that you know there are things you wont know. And, there maybe things that, maybe your kids WANT to share with you but maybe need a bounce board to figure out how to do that best. Maybe those folks they have around them that they can trust is enough and what they need.
And, I know from my own experience that there are times when some of us need to fly on our own but we need a little guidance…. for what ever reason… to fully figure our thoughts out without the parental influence in that process. And to know someone else is there to talk to us or gets us. Where judgement is not so quick and removed from the situation. And maybe knowing someone even has our back to help with parental communication if needed. That sounds lovely!
I love to think that there are relationships with parents and kids where they don’t ever need to take advantage of that safe person. How AMAZING that relationship would be to really be able to talk to your parents enough to share so much that you can trust that you can really be fully open to them and get through what ever it might be. That wasn’t my experience and I know it isn’t for many.
I think a parent understanding why this is a good idea speaks a lot to their security of their parenting, their relationship with their kid and acknowledges reality and how life really ends up working.
I can imagine some people hearing this and thinking that… if A kid doesn’t want to share something with their parents that it is automatically a really bad thing! That just isn’t the case. It can be a difference of understanding the world, maybe just not being able to communicate a question, maybe in general. Maybe the need for a different opinion or perspective. Maybe it is a true value difference that isn’t harmful, just different. These things can be GREAT if the kid DOES have a very open and safe relationship with their parents as well.
So, maybe you are in the category of want/need to know…. you are also real enough to know how it is to be a kid and that, that knowing everything is just not the total reality. 🙂 Your intention is to set them up with people they can trust too! That is SOOO Huge!
I hope that all makes sense!
🙂
Judy